By Connie Meyers
I am Connie Meyers, a disciple of Christ….well, at least I am trying to be a disciple of Christ! You would think that a person that has been a Christian, an Episcopalian no less, since six weeks of age would have been spiritually formed by now. Several years ago I realized that I had been going nowhere in developing my spirit or a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I was not changing.
Sure, I was the one that was active at church all the way through high school. In college I actually got up Sunday mornings and walked to church. But something was missing in all those years and the years that followed. Who was I serving? What was my focus? I heard all the ‘talk’ but wasn’t “walking the walk.” I listened to sermon after sermon but did not hear. I followed the path, but did nothing but stray off course. I didn’t believe that I had any gifts to offer.
Something did happen, I am not sure exactly when or where it was, but Jesus grabbed my heart and I began to get caught up in His word. I am constantly overwhelmed by His message and daily cleansed by my own tears. It may have been the realization that I am indeed aging or that I was grateful for all that I am, all that I have been blessed with, and all that there is yet to be. Regardless of what it was, it doesn’t matter. I have spent the past few years digging deep into knowing Jesus better.
I have found that when I begin each day in the quiet, devotional reading, and filling my heart with “his story” my soul is more anchored in God and I love better. When I wander away (which can be often) I work hard at quickly come back to a life centered on Christ. I am willing and enthusiastic to commit myself to Jesus, all of God’s children and to further the Kingdom of God here on earth. Daily, I pray that the focus on myself is taken away, that I may love actively and that my words and thoughts be in the name of Jesus.
I see myself as a disciple when I play for a worship service for dementia patients at the Pavilions, when I am working with the children upstairs on Sunday, helping to care for my mentally impaired sister-in-law, or helping to care for my grandchildren. Now that I have begun to grow spiritually I know these things:
- I can be quiet. It is good to be quiet. Honestly, I don’t even say a word! I can listen better to God’s voice instead of hearing my own!
- I know that if I do not know the Son, I do not know the Father.
- I am a happier and more positive person when I focus on Jesus and not myself.
- I am blessed by choosing the “blessed path” (Psalm 1)
- I am reminded by Dallas Willard, a favorite teacher of mine, That when I think that I have made it; I have not, that I will never get to a place where I can stop seeking. For seeking is a way of life.
- I seek the kingdom of God everywhere. I try to find him in everything, everywhere I go.
I now know that the door is open for me to enter. Being grateful and thankful for everything draws me closer to God. When I am attentive to God’s presence and recognize God’s generosity to me I want to return the favor by praising, loving and serving God and to help others. I want to get out of the pew and do what Jesus would have me do!
I am working at becoming a disciple of Jesus. In the beginning of his ministry Jesus chose the most unlikely men to follow Him. I share some of the same characteristics that those first disciples had…weakness, betrayal, denial, fear, doubt. I even fall asleep sometimes when I am in prayer or I practice “drowsy discipleship.” Rob Bell, a pastor, once said that “the disciples were not the best of the best. They were like a young ‘B’ team, or the Junior Varsity!” I can be a disciple. I will continue to seek spirituality and a deeper life of prayer. More than ever, as my spirit is molded and formed I find myself in the hands of God. I like being there!
“It is indeed a profound spiritual experience to know and feel myself so totally in God’s hands.” –Pedro Arruyse, Superior General of the Jesuits, 1983